Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year

I'd like to wish all readers of this blog a very happy and healthy new year. Flush down all the bad things of this past year, clean up all the crap, load a new roll of toilet paper and start fresh.

Toilet.se just got started and this coming year will see a lot of growth. Enjoy!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Don't be sick when flying

I guess this is when us with bathroom urgencies and intestinal disorders get labeled as terrorists. Make sure to take your medicines and prepare yourself not to spend a long time in the airplane's lavatory. Apparently, it can cause FBI to get suspicious.

News from New York Times, 28th of December 2009:

A Nigerian man who became ill on Northwest Airlines Flight 253 from Amsterdam to Detroit — the same flight involved in Friday’s terrorism attempt — triggered a security alert at Detroit Metropolitan Airport after the pilots requested emergency assistance upon landing, the Department of Homeland Security announced on Sunday. The department said that the response to Sunday’s incident, which included informing President Obama, was “an abundance of caution.”

Earlier in the afternoon, Delta Airlines, which acquired Northwest last year, said in a statement that the crew had requested police assistance on the ground because a passenger was “verbally disruptive.” The Transportation Safety Administration said in a statement that it had been alerted to a “disruptive passenger on board” Flight 253. The T.S.A. said that the flight landed safely at Detroit International Airport at approximately 12:35 p.m. Eastern “without incident.”

“The aircraft has been moved to a remote location for additional screening,” the agency had said then. “T.S.A. and law enforcement met the aircraft upon arrival, the passenger is now in custody.”

A little before 4 p.m., the large white jetliner sat at the southeast corner of the vast Detroit Metropolitan Airport, surrounded by police and other emergency vehicles with their lights flashing in the fading afternoon light amid falling snowflakes.

About a half hour later, the Homeland Security press secretary, Sara Kuban, released a statement, sorting out what had happened on the flight.

“A passenger on today’s Northwest flight 253 from Amsterdam to Detroit spent an unusually long time in the aircraft lavatory,” she said in the statement. “Due to this unusual behavior, the airline notified T.S.A. and the agency directed the flight to taxi to a remote area upon landing to be met by law enforcement and D.H.S.

“The passenger in question, a Nigerian national, was removed from the flight and interviewed by the F.B.I.; indications at this time are that the individual’s behavior is due to legitimate illness, and no other suspicious behavior or materials have been found. Though this does not appear at this time to be a security incident, in an abundance of caution, the aircraft was fully screened, with negative results, and all baggage is being rescreened before the aircraft taxis to the gate.”

CNN and The Associated Press had previously reported that a Nigerian man had locked himself in the lavatory for such a long time that the crew requested help on the ground.

A Homeland Security official had earlier described the incident as “nonserious.”

At 3:55 p.m., CNN said that law enforcement authorities has offered an "all clear" signal — indicating that the threat had passed — and the plane began to be moved.

Rows of bags and luggage long remained on the tarmac, approached by dogs sniffing for contraband, whether as serious as explosive devices or the usual agricultural products not allowed to be flown in on passenger jets.

Bill Burton, a White House spokesman, said that President Obama, vacationing in Hawaii, had been notified “shortly after 9:00 a.m. Hawaiian time of the incident regarding an unruly passenger on the flight arriving in Detroit by N.S.S. chief of staff Denis McDonough.”

“The President stressed the importanceof maintaining heightened security measures for all air travel and gaveinstructions to set up another secure teleconference briefing as soon as possible,” Mr. Burton added.

“It’s a pretty typical response,” Scott Wintner, the airport spokesman, said of the police vehicles. “With an aircraft situation, speed is of the essence.”

A Delta spokeswoman said that the other 255 passengers have been safely taken off the plane.

Original article can be found here: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/28/us/politics/w28talk.html

Friday, November 27, 2009

Outsider or Black Sheep?

I've posted several definitions of poop on this blog before.

However, I never included a certain type of poop that I've come to meet on a few occasions. You think you make a normal poop and all is well when you look down and see a small black little piece lying to the side or floating a bit away from the brown log.

I'm not sure if we should name this "The Outsider" or the "Black Sheep"?

What do you think?

Friday, November 20, 2009

Translations

How do you say toilet in other languages? Now you now:

Danish: toilette, påklædning, toilet, wc, badeværelse

Dutch: wc, wassen, aankleden en opmaken

French: toilettes, cabinets, toilette

German: Toilette, Wundversorgung

Greek: τουαλέτα, αποχωρητήριο, καλλωπισμός, περιποίηση, τραπέζι τουαλέτας

Italian: cesso, da toilette, assistere

Portuguese: privada (f), banheiro (m)

Russian: (одевание) туалет, костюм (бальный туалет), ванная комната, туалет, уборная

Spanish: arreglo, aseo, traje, tocador, lavabo

Swedish: toalett

English Definition

1) A fixture for defecation and urination, consisting of a bowl fitted with a hinged seat and connected to a waste pipe and a flushing apparatus; a privy.

2) A room or booth containing such a fixture.

3) The act or process of dressing or grooming oneself.

4) Dress; attire; costume.

5) The cleansing of a body area as part of a surgical or medical procedure.
Archaic. A dressing table.

The two first definitions are certainly understandable but the last three ones are a little bit harder to digest. Yikes!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Mouth Urinal

I wonder if they play Rolling Stones in the background. Sweet clean polish.


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Geek Toilet

The ultimate toilet with all the necessities. Enjoy!


Women, pee standing up

No need for a toilet seat or squatting. Now you women can stand up when you pee just like men. Is that the equality feminists have been yearning for.

Here's the answer:




Sunday, October 11, 2009

John Wayne Toilet Paper

An Indian walks into a trading post and asks for toilet paper. The clerk asks if he would like no name, Charmin, or White Cloud.
"White Cloud sounds like good Indian toilet paper," says the Indian. "How much is it?"
"$1.00 a roll," the clerk replies.
"That seems pretty expensive," responds the Indian. "What about the others?"
"Charmin is $2.00 a roll and no name is 50 cents a roll."
The Indian doesn't have much money so he opts for the no name.
Within a few hours he is back at the trading post. "I have a name for the no name toilet paper," he announces to the clerk. "We shall call it John Wayne."
"Why?" asks the confused clerk.
"Cause it's rough and it's tough and it don't take no crap off an Indian."

How to poop at work

ESCAPEE


Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.



JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.


COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.


WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.


OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.


THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.


SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.


TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.


CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.


ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.


WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.


HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.


UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.


FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

Source: porcelainpoetry.faketrix.com

Monday, June 15, 2009

Avloppshajen Jaws

Se upp för avloppshajen när ni sitter på holken eller badar i karet.

Trevlig och informationsrik miljö

Den här offentliga toaletten visades upp på en mässa (Health Education Exhibition & Resource Centre) i Hong Kong. Den ska ge nyttig information om livet och hur man sköter sig bäst på en offentlig toalett. Själv så gillar jag färgerna och de mjuka formerna på inredningen. Men jag intycker att det finns folk som behöver lära sig lite toalettvett o etikett.

Prestationsångest

Det här är ganska roligt men tänk om man har prestationsångest. Jag har en vän som inte kan pissa när någon tittar på. Det här kommer inte hjälpa honom. Själv så skulle jag nog få mig ett gott skratt.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Shit List

I've previously made a similar post to this in Swedish. Here comes the English version:

THE GHOST SHIT
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

THE CLEAN SHIT
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

THE WET SHIT
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

THE SECOND WAVE SHIT
This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

THE CORN SHIT
No explanation necessary.

THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

THE NOTORIUS DRINKER SHIT
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD SHIT" SHIT
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

THE WET CHEEKS SHIT
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

THE LIQUID SHIT
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time,
chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT
A class all its own.

THE CROWD PLEASER
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.

THE MOOD ENHANCER
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

THE RITUAL
This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHIT
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT
This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.

THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SHIT
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.

THE GROANER
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

THE FLOATER
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushings.

THE RANGER
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

THE PHANTOM SHIT
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT
Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

THE BOMBSHELL
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.

THE SNAKE CHARMER
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.

THE OLYMPIC SHIT
This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Shit.

THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT
This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHIT
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T shit.

PREMEDITATED SHIT
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

SHITZOPHERENIA
Fear of shitting - can be fatal!

ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SHIT
Also known as a "Still Going" shit.

THE POWER DUMP SHIT
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.

THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Shit.)

THE SPINAL TAP SHIT
The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" SHIT
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

THE PORRIDGE SHIT
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SHIT
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SHIT
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" SHIT
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air.

THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" SHIT
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Lomotil for IBS

I'm a little hesitant to promote any type of medication so please consult with your doctor before jumping into these kinds of things. Anyway, as a person with IBS I can highly recommend the drug called Lomotil (US name). I went 12 years with IBS before even hearing about this medicine. Why my previous doctors never prescribed or even suggested it is a mystery. Please note, as with all IBS drugs this is not a cure...it only relieves the symptoms.

You can read more about Lomotil here:
Wikipedia
Drugs.com

The only downside I've noticed with this drug is that with prolonged use my body builds up a tolerance to the drug. I avoid this by not taking it every day. I take it for maybe 4-5 days and then go without for 2 days. It seems to work well.

Korean Toilet Sign

This is hilarious!  I don't read Korean so I'm not sure what it says but I can just imagine.  I did find out that Karma 21 is a nightclub in Korea.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Too much fiber

These are foods that can keep your stomach calm: white rice, white pasta, corn, moderate amounts of peeled fruit, tomatoes, cucumbers, and boiled room vegetables.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Dutch Urinal

This is a public urinal found in the Netherlands (Holland). Talk about loosing privacy but on the other hand men usually don't need much privacy while going number 1.  The way the walls are angled it would be very hard for people to see anything private.  Think of the benefits of this urinal vs a traditional public restroom. It's easy to clean, takes up very little space, and will probably not be covered by graphiti.  I have actually come to like it. I wonder what the Dutch people think of it?



Addition: I've seen these used in other European countries as well....especially at big public events such as concerts or festivals.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Engelska-English

To reach the international audience I will from now on start posting in English.

För att nå den internationella publiken så kommer jag hädanefter skriva på engelska.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Is i pissoaren

Genom åren då jag har varit ute och rest så har jag använt en hel del pissoarer som är fulla av isbitar. Sist var i Tahoe där jag såg en anställd komma med en hink is och fyllde en pissoar. Jag var lite upptagen med att tvätta händerna så jag hann inte fråga varför. Efter lite research på nätet så har jag funnit några förklaringar.



Enligt Wikipedia så fyller nattklubbar och barer deras pissoarer ganska ofta på kvällarna. Tydligen så funkar isen som en långsam spolning då det smälter. Isen ska också förhindra bakterietillväxt och spridning av obehaglig lukt.

Annars så brukar jag roa mig med att se hur många isbitar jag kan smälta under ett utkast.